Full circles and triangles

It is interesting how unexpected, often unwelcomed, events in life can inspire you to re-evaluate priorities. Not just life priorities, but fun, relaxation, breakfast and birds priorities. Let me explain.

I had a terribly brief, but terribly important, conversation with a dear friend who, surprisingly to me, to me she followed this diatribe of a blog. She asked from her bed why I did not blog more often. I paused, and then said something trite like not having time, or being to old, or that the light was in my ear and I could not hear. After the visit, I thought about it until, 48 hours later, here I am blogging.

My last blog was some bitch session about Obama. I am sure I gathered my thoughts based on personal opinion, fear and disappointment. This one may flow in a similar way, but I hope is taken in spirit.

My dear friend who inspired me, is in the hospital at the moment. If my words inspire her even 1/10th as much as she has inspired me, my satisfaction will be complete. Let me tell you what I know, and then let you judge for yourself.

I have known this sometimes enigmatic, mysterious pain in the ass for a number of years. We have shared many things, and yet shared very little. Not her fault, not mine, but mostly mine. A person can go through an entire life of self pity, self doubt, self recrimination and self imposed guilt, without ever realizing what they are doing, or appreciating what they have. I remember walking into a big, new house. Very excitied. Could not wait to see how this would make me so very happy. New car, new stereo, new clothes, picking out paint for the walls, to excitied to figure out what to eat!

That wears off. Eventually we all get older. Some of us get wiser, and some of us don't. I am not sure what side of that fence I am on. Time goes by, and the child gets rebellious, sleeping until 11am, not doing chores, expecting mommy and daddy to do everything.

Child wakes up a year or few later, alone in a one room apartment. Suddenly realizing the dishes need to be taken out of the cubboards and covered with towels so the landlord can once again spray for cockroaches.

Time moves on, and the child continues making bad choices. Mom and Dad have shrugged their shoulders and lost sleep and gathered new wrinkles. And time moves on.

The child finds its child-self in places it never intended to be. Some are interesting, some amusing, some scary, somemake the child wonder how the child survived. Somewhere in the past number of years, the child lost a parent, but gained a life partner and a daughter. Somewhere, the child understood both how sad the Father was that the child did not follow in his footsteps and, at the same time, how much the Father, in hindsight, loved the child, although he was worried. The child finally started to understand, not the full meaning of what it means to be personally responsible, and to try every day, even though some days you fall off the bike, but started to understand that no matter who you talk to, everyone has lived a life that is vastly different than they imagined as child.

So I thought I understood all this, finally had the meaning of life.

The January happened.

Then my dear freind is struggling for her life. Her fault? Her decisions? Probably, at least partially. But, here is someone who, since birth has struggled with health issues. I do not say that as an excuse for her, becausse I no longer believe in excuses (only solutions!), but just to put things in context. There I am checking email, stressed to the hilt about work, her health, her mom's health, and she tells me to watch a video she found. And I looked at her. And she gave me that 'care in the eye' smile as I again looked at my work. I played the video. It was great. I tried to find a video for her, but it never loaded. She told me she had a blog andf was the one and only fan of my blog.

It took 48+ years, plus a strong women who has been to hell and back in many ways, to tell me life goes on.

Who would have thought the coupon I got from her on my wedding included that!

Thank you, and I love you!

Now, do not do that ever againm, and promise to call me when you need extra shoulders to carry life on.

N to A